I'm THANKful for (Part 2)

It's that time of year! Here are my THANKfuls for 2012:

November 1: I am thankful for a wonderful family who loves and tries their best to support me and my husband through all of our crazy decisions!!

November 2: I am thankful for a husband who supports, loves and protects me. He has sincerely been placed on this Earth just for me when I needed him to be there most. I can't wait to be sealed to him for Eternity.

November 3: Today I am thankful for an amazing, kind, beautiful, smart daughter. Having secondary infertility and dealing with that the last 4 years is making me appreciate Heavenly Father's gift to me. I love looking at the picture of her on my desk every day and being reminded of just how blessed I am to be her mom. I may not see her every single day, but I wil forever and ever be her MOM! She is the sunshine in my very grey and cloudy life. I love her more than I will ever, ever be able to tell her.

November 4: Today I am thankful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am thankful for all the friends I have gained throughout the years because of this amazing church. I am thankful for the testimony of Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father.

November 5: Today I am thankful for my amazing job. It may be boring at times (I'm an expert and counting to 50!), but it pays the bills, keeps food in our mouths, and football on the TV.

November 6: (Election Day) Today I am thankful to live in a country where I can speak my opinion and not be shot for standing for what I believe in. Team Obama 2012.

November 7: I am thankful for technology. Having family live 1500 miles away isn't always easy. Also having a daughter live 4 hours away makes it hard to just go see her whenever I want. I cherish the phone calls every week and the Skype phone calls with my sister and family.

November 8: I am thankful for amazing friends that have been there with me throughout the years. For the friends that laugh at me and with me. For the friends that lifted me up when I was down and kept life real. I love you all and am so proud to call you a friend!

November 9: I am thankful for a fantastic Mother-in-law! I can't imagine how we would have gotten through the last 2 years without her help!!

November 10: I am thankful for all the little ones in my life. I love all the hugs and the kisses and the, "I missed you SO much! It's been FOREVER since I saw you!" that I get from them.

November 11: (Veteran's Day) I am more than thankful for all service men and women serving in all branches of the military.

November 12: I am thankful to live in Portland, OR!! I am thankful for the green and beauty around me all year long. I'm thankful for the stupid drivers that can't seem to go above the speed limit and make me feel like I'm going super fast (doing 60 in a 55.. wheeee)!

November 13: (stealing this from a friend) I am thankful for a FREE Tri-Met pass. I am not a fan of riding the bus every morning except for the fact that it is free and I get to read a book, check email or check facebook in those 20 minutes before and after work.

November 14: I am thankful for a reliable vehicle (that we can afford). I am hearing all day today about coworkers who can't trust their vehicles and so on. I know ours is due for some work, like the 30,000 check up, but its an amazing little car!

Insert foot in mouth

I may have spoken out of turn in terms of my parents and sister. It was what I was feeling at the time and I upset them.

My sister knows what she is doing and I give her my blessing. My parents.. I'll never understand them.

That's the end of that. My opinion and view on life seems to upset people- maybe because I'm right??

VACATION TIME!!!!

This weekend will be the FIRST official vacation for us (more than one night) since our honeymoon in 2009! We aren't counting the 3 moving trips, since those weren't much fun.

We are heading up to Seattle for two big reasons- (1) to go to Geocaching headquarters in Seattle and (2) to FINALLY have photos taken of us! We never did engagement photos (since we were "engaged" for a week) and my wedding photos were from my neice-in-law and were... ok.

SO EXCITED!! Elizabeth Madsen Photograophy (www.elizabethmadsenphotography.com) is doing our shoot. She is doing a "mini" session. Pretty much 30 minutes and a few prints and viola! I'm over the moon and so happy! It's a small chunk of change, but I passed up the chance last time.

That's all the big excitement going on here.

What a Thought (or two.. or more)!

I was going to title this "What an Ass" but there are more thoughts than that bugging me.

Last night was my weekly call with my daughter. We chatted about her playing this weekend, the usual. I told her about a dream that I had where I thought of the name "Jezebella" for the newest addition of their family since kid #5 hadn't had a name yet. Then my daughter says, "She already has a name."

EXCUSE ME?!! WHAT?!! Appearantly, step-mom had the baby on Thursday (10-11-12)!! I didn't get an email, text, nothing! I'm pretty sure that my daughter's life was afftected BIG time by this and I didn't know! UGH! I don't understand why this information doesn't get shared with me. Moving cross country, birth of children.. I don't get it. The baby's name is Sadie Jayne. Sadie is a nickname for Sarah (mom's sister) and Jayne has "Jay" in it because my ex has an ego and wants a little boy to name after him. Jay is his nickname, and so the two younger (since #4 was supposed to be the last) both have "Jay" in their names.

I was talking to my husband about the name thing and I love his reaction, "I will never name a child after me." YAY!!

As for babies for us... I started my LAST pack of bith control this month (well, for next month). Time to start getting serious on baby making! Which also means getting serious on eating better and excercising more! I even went and paid a lot of money (for me) on fancy work out shoes and made a goal to walk home from work -3.1 miles- at least 2 times a week. I did it once and that was it. Now the rainy season is here and I haven't the motivation to do it.. until now. Baby #5's announcement and the announcement of a few other pregnancies from friends REALLY has me on baby overload. I think I am going at it in a selfish way though. I want the pregnancy since my one with Kira wasn't too.. wow. It was a secret for as long as my ex would keep it one (though of course I told my sister!). I missed my wedding/baby shower. I never got to decorate a nursery. I never got all of the praise and photos and all that jazz that comes with a pregnancy. I want to be celebrated too! We have wanted a child together for a few years now. I took this past year to take a break and just enjoy us. I have some severe depression issues to deal with, and those will get taken care of at a Dr appointment I have coming up (first one in YEARS!).

So, that's my thoughts while on my break... time to focus back on work!

NOT me.

Life is a circle, I understand that part. I don't agree and like this circle, but it happens.

Example: When I was my sister's age I was in her same spot. Desperate to be loved, clinging to every guy that paid attention and doing whatever crazy idea they had (though mine didn't involve moving to Africa, just back to Kennewick). I can't voice my opinion outloud about this to her, because I'm supposed to be supportive and loving and not scared at all for her future.

This has been hard though. I KNOW this isn't the man my sister is supposed to marry, but that's what she is saying is going to happen- in Africa! I can't play the "you can't know right away who you are supposed to marry" because that happened with me and my husband. I KNEW the day I met him I wanted to be with him. Life has been up and down since then (mostly me up and down), but I have had that one support and I love it.

My dad was offered a job in CA working with the same company, but as a contractor. One of the first questions to my mom was, "When do you move.?" Well, she isn't moving! Just my dad will stay down there a few weeks out of the month and then travel back and forth. This is ideal for my mom. They have always had one of those together but not together marriages. I don't remember the last time they were ever affectionate with each other. I don't remember them saying "I love you" to each other. I recently learned from my dad that they only got married because it was convenient. Which explains a lot. I understand individuality in a marriage, but this is different. It's been bugging me and I had to say something about it.

This marriage is what my sister, the one going to Africa, wants. She wants the convenience of a husband but be able to be her own person. That doesn't work. I know that you don't have to be with your spouse 24/7, but you also can't be dependant on them. Does that make sense?

I like what I have. A balance. If I need a night just for me, I get it. This would have NEVER happened in my last marriage, but works for us. This Saturday I have errands to run and know that my husband doesn't want to go with me to the fabric store. So, I will send him off with some guy friends and I will go do my thing. My ex would have wanted to be next to me 24/7 for EVERYTHING. I wasn't able to be me and so I sank into depression and exploded and left.

I don't see this happening with my sister.*sigh*

Joys of being the big sister....