Change is Coming

Husband was given notice that the position he is in is going away, but they offer to pay for his schooling of he chooses option B. Per his boss, he "makes too much money". They are cutting down hours, which means that nice raise I just got makes up for the hours he won't have.

So here we are. He is applying all over for jobs (both in Portland and Vancouver), and I am working, praying, and supporting him.

I think the hardest part is not allowing his negative past to keep him down. All his life he was told by his father or his ex-wife what a " failure" he is/was. All I see is a man that is determined to do the best he can, and he does amazing at it. His skills are amazing, but he doesn't see that. He fell just shy of finishing his degree 10 years ago, and now the credits aren't counting.

Decisions need to be made. Our lease is up in October and we know we will be moving..again. We need something smaller, and easier to live in if we end up with one income. We aren't having kids, so a small one bedroom will be what we got back to. We have to be realistic and accept life as it comes. We have been through harder times and made it through. I have an amazing and stable job, so no worries there.

The search to finish school is a hard one. It's a lot of money and a lot of insecurity on our part. Do we move to Idaho and finish there? Or to Provo, UT and finish there? Do we stay in Portland and finish, but for twice the cost? Can we afford to move? If we do move, how do we get the money to move, and where do we stay?

The search for a new job is hard too. Does he stay, get his certification and do something he hates? Does he look and possibly not find anything (he will, there is no worries from me)? If he looks, where to look?

It's time to pray, and pray earnestly. It's time to give 100% faith to God now. To know that what he has planned for us is good, and will work out. It's time to atop all the negative and reemphasize the positive. It's the time to take a new look at life and say, "Where do we want to go and how do we get there?"

I'm back!

Life has been a bit of a whirlwind since I last posted on here. I started a new blog for all the baby related rants (see www.babytaco2014.Blogspot.com) and realized all posts were heading there! Time to get back on track!!

My biggest kick lately, outside of being infertile, is exercise. (Wow, had trouble spelling that!) We had some photos do e in October for our adoption, and I realized how FAT I really am!! I've always been about a size 20 and around 255 pounds, but I've never felt I was that big. I felt about 100 less and was doing good. We got those photos back and I cringed! All those rolls!! What a belly!!

I made a goal right then and there to become more active and trying RUNNING! Starting in January I downloaded the RunKeeper app on my phone and took off! As of today I have logged over 150 miles! (This app doesn't count all walking and running, so keep that in mind). I got really motivated when I noticed clothes were starting to fit a little loose and falling off. I was looking and feeling fantastic! Around the end of May I started slowing down. I had joined a gym and was going almost every day, but working out alone and keeping up the motivation is becoming harder and harder. We were planning our sealing and I got busy in the details of that day. One thing led to another and the next thing I knew, I had taken over two weeks off from running. When I would start back up, I would get horrible shin splints and my legs hurt. I didn't want to push it, so I went to two runs a week at 2-3 miles each. Not too bad, but not at all where I was before.

So here it is July 9th, and I am still slowly getting back into running. We were given a treadmill to use, but the speed is off and it's pretty loud. I've used it only about 4 or 5 times in the month we have had it. Its easier to just head outside!

Also, my work schedule has changed. I got a pretty hefty promotion and with it my hours have changed. I was getting off around 2:30 and had a solid hour and a half to kill before the his and got home. I would get on my gym clothes and head to the gym. Not any more! I am now off at 5, and usually am so worn out when I get home. I just want to sit and relax, and then head to bed. I tried to get up with the husband at 5:45 and walk with him to the train, followed by a walk. That worked for about a week. I'm starting that back up this week. It helps getting that 90 minutes back, but I am NOT a morning person.

It's so weird to look back at a year ago. In this year we have changed. Not only into a new apartment, but our lives changed. I have an adorable nephew, the relationship we have as husband and wife is stronger than ever, new jobs, new lives. The stress of infertility is slowly slipping away as we embrace the life we have, not the one we wish for. I'm looking forward to where life is taking us.

Our next step in life is a big one, and I am ready for it.