Keeping Zipped Up

"Wow - it's amazing the lies people tell especially when people who know the truth see every comment you post. I don't get the point in making up stories that never happened just to get some sympathy. Maybe you should see a therapist to get the sympathy..."

That was what my sister posted on Facebook. I know what she is referring to. It was a comment I had made on a photograph of a lady who is pregnant, but will never raise her child. I noted that I had been there and felt her pain.

But that's just the thing, I have been through so much heartache and sorrow over the last 14 years, and about 2% of it my family knows about. They hear what I feel they need to know, and that is it. The hardest part is that it is my family. The one group of people that should be there when you go through heartache. I have experienced more in my 32 years than any woman will ever go through.

I have a very small, close group of friends that I trust with my life- none of my family is in that circle. They were the ones I called when I was in the ER a number of times. They are the ones that when I fell, helped be back up, brought me food and let me cry on their shoulder.

My husband has been my biggest supporter. He has been there in the ER with me. He's held my hand while we recieved horrible news of losses. He has been my rock. I know that it takes its toll, but I try to hold it all in. I am only human.

I have had a lot of great things happen as well. Those things I am more than happy to share with family. Accomplishments personally, with my daughter, with jobs. But nothing that causes the tears. Nothing that I should be going to them for.

And it hurts. It hurts more than I will allow myself to dwell on.

So this is it. I'm shutting up. I'm only telling about the good in my life. No more sadness or sorrow. No more tears to shed. I'm done worrying or wondering.

For ME Alone.

One of the best things available is music. The words, the sound, the feeling. I was asked a few months ago to sing in church a few months ago but, due to a sinus infection, I had lost my singing voice. So a few weeks ago the offer was again given. I usually turn it down unless I am joined by at least one or two others. I love singing, but don't have the confidence to do a solo like I used to. Besides sinus issues, I now have a tori (a bone on the roof of your mouth) that restricts me in singing.

I had asked one of the missionaries to accompany me since he is an amazing piano player. On Wednesday, we got together to practice. He had only played it a few times, and I had never sung it outside of my living room.

It just worked. There were a couple slip ups, and I was rushing the song, but after a few practices it worked out. I think we will run through it once before church starts, and then onto doing it live! There have been many prayers said already this morning asking for comfort and piece.

The song, "For Me Alone" by Sally DeFord, is about the fact the Christ died for me as well as those I love. That no matter what happens, HE will come and be there for me. I have been through a lot in life, and this song was just what I needed right now.

Some of the lyrics:
But if I alone had stumbled,
if I alone had strayed,
if I alone had wondered from the straight and narrow way,
if I alone bore guilt for which I alone could never atone,
He would have come for me.
For me alone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2A0v7lFtFI