FAST FORWARD!!

Today is one of those days where I would LOVE to be able to fast forward my life 10 years. I'd love to skip the sadness, the drama, the tension and the downside of my life right now. Money is tight, tensions are high and this gloomy weather isn't helping.

I am SO excited to have my sister here next weekend. I am really looking forward to the break from my life, even if it is just for a few days. YAY for sisters!

World vs. Me... I'm Losing.

My day started out good. Slept in, did a little geocaching, got some amazing pictures at Cathedral Park. Perfect morning.

Then my night started. It seems that once Ben leaves for work, my motivation to do anything kind of stops. I did rearrange the living room and organize my bookcase so I did have a little motivation. Then I decided to make a quick trip to Home Depot with the pooches to grab a few items. On my way to the store, the stereo face went black and my music stopped. Weird. Then the music came on but not the stereo face- still black. Then suddenly I smelled melting plastic, as though there was a short somewhere. I panicked and called Ben then came back home. And then tonight I started to leave for rehearsal. Finally got out the door, and got about more than half-way there and realized I had left my music at home on the table. At that point I was done for the day. The world working against me wants me to just stop on it all. ugh...

Peace...

Decided to take the dogs out to a local park and this is what I saw. Did I mention how much I love Fall?

Fall in PDX

After sleeping in until 10am (and missing church) and then going to SE Portland to grab/attempt to grab some geocaches, we went on a mini Sunday drive. Mostly because Ben got lost and took a road that went in a different direction than needed... Anyways, here are a few photos of Fall around Portland (also known as PDX). Enjoy!



A quick drive to the Portland LDS Temple is always a favorite of mine.

A street next to where I babysit... lined with yellow trees.

The tree above was much more transparent than this photo gives credit.
The picture below is of a parking lot near the above temple. It was taken last week right as the leaves began to change.

PMS + Homesick= Blog.

I've had one of those days that I just want to hit the fast forward and skip the rest of it. Actually, I'd like to fast forward the next 5 years of my life and skip through this stressful, sad part of life that I seem to be stuck in.

I'm still stuck in limbo with the decision to move to Portland. Talking with my sister over the past week and hearing about all the heartache she is going through, and then hearing that my mom is having health issues really has brought up my homesickness.

And I'm starting to wonder if my homesickness would exist if I knew that I was going to go back to visit my family in the near future. It seems that whenever we have a little extra money to spend on taking a trip back to Denver, the car needs repaired or another large bill comes up. I know that I've written about all of this before, but it is what is on my mind right now as I type it.

I know for a fact that I will be back in Denver in May for my baby sister's college graduation. But May seems so far away! There is so much going on that I feel that I am missing! Friends are celebrating milestones, family is having struggles... and I feel so far away from it all.

I'm feeling stuck. And when I feel stuck... I want to run. Not good.

It's the little things...

I am feeling so very blessed right now. I was checking email and this is what was in my inbox:

"

Sooo I am having a crazy, busy, stressful, and very full day (thats not even the 1/2 of it!). When things are just crazy and I fell overwhelmed, I try to think of something nice I can do for someone else and that usually helps me feel 'lighter' and more focused about the tasks at hand. Well when I took a breath and just let my mind relax for a second your faced popped right up, so I just Knew that I needed to write you a little note letting you know how wonderful I think you are.

First of all, I love how you always sound happy and excited on the phone. It's nice to know you can call someone and be 99% sure they are going to be happy when they pick up. I think it's great when you send Kira cards or little boxes. She isn't a "I need gifts to feel loved" type of person but she is an "acts of kindness" type of person so when you send those things it affirms her that she is loved and cared about by other people outside of her immediate family (the kids already tell me "your my mom you HAVE to love me"). While going through emails the other day I stumbled upon your pumpkin cookie recipe and Kira and I have decided to print it out and add it to our "family recipe" binder. (so if any of your relatives have special recipes it would be great to add them I want to send Kira off to college with a full recipe book) SO I like how we can share recipes and special stories for Kira. I just personally think your a pretty, nice, kind and a caring person and just thought I should let you know!! Thanks for being so awesome and I hope everything is going well with you!!

Sending my best thoughts and wishes

Trish"

_____
Back in April of 2005 when my ex-husband and I decided divorce was best, I never ever thought for a second about how blessed that choice had been. I knew that what we were choosing was indeed going to be what was best for Kira. Little did we know what a wonderful woman Kira would have raising her and showing her a fantastic example of a woman. Trish, Kira's step-mom, is the blessing I have needed. I know that my daughter is being raised correct and true to the values I instilled in her so many years ago.

I had my struggles at first over jealousy with my ex-husband's new marriage. It was the marriage I wish we would have had (filled with love, home cooking and lots of kids). I realize that God had another woman in mind for him, and I couldn't be happier now. I appreciate knowing that my daughter no longer has to live in a house of false love between her parents. She can be raised with the example of love and kindness and use it for her own family someday.