Changes in life have to come from within...

Time to just think. I moved to Dallas in 2007 thanks to some promptings. I loved being there! I was an hour from Kira, I had a fantastic job in the front office doing what I went to school for and became very active in my church. I made some incredible friends and had the best roommate!

I was only there for about 4 months before I decided that I missed home, friends and the guy I was kinda/sorta dating. I decided at Thanksgiving to give my notice and head back to CO after Christmas.

I knew then and there that it wasn't what I was supposed to do. I needed to stay in Texas. I needed to be there and to be apart of the life there. I needed to remain where I was at for longer, but didn't heed to the promptings.

The day before the move, my sister came into town to drive back up with me. I decided to take her around Dallas and show her some of the sites. We went to the mall, ate at the big McDonald's and saw us some good Texas men. On the drive home, a sensor on my car goes out. Luckily, an exit away from the car shop of a guy I had worked with. We towed the car in, got it fixed and went back to my house to start packing.

All night I had this sick feeling that I shouldn't be leaving, but just shrugged it off. The next morning, my sister and I got in my little PT Cruiser and set off for Colorado. We left around 3pm and got into Denver 13 hours later (barely got in.. I drove the whole way). Then the trouble started. I was living with family, but still had bills to pay. I was able to work with my sister as a personal assistant. The lady was a bitch and I left. I landed a temp nanny job and that paid bills for a month. In March, I was starting to panic. I got a prompting to apply at Target- so I did! I was hired on and started 2 weeks later.

I loved that job, but was persistant on finding another nanny job. I had so much fun doing it year before that I knew that was where I wanted to be. In June, I was accepted for a position with a widow and her 3 children. She worked 24 shifts, which meant that I was a live-in nanny. At $1200 a month- why not? I learned around October that I was being taken advantage of. I was not being paid for overtime, and was not being paid for extra duties put onto me. November 15th I gave her my notice that I was to leave at the end of the year. December 26th was my last day. I did get a chance to meet the new nanny, and feel guilty for leaving- but I know it was for the best.

Ever since December I have been struggling to find work. I found work part-time at Home Depot but it isn't at all fullfilling. I don't get enough hours to pay for any bills, but at least it is some money coming in, right? I am now looking for nanny and Medical Billing jobs.

I have had a desire to go back to Texas ever since I left. I just know that there is where I need to be. The hard part for me is that I live in Denver and am applying for jobs in Dallas. I have stated with everyone that I apply for that I can start work in as little as a week. I really don't have a lot of posessions, and can move everything I own in the back of my Vitara.

But I am seeing that I have a problem with that- leaving.. moving. When times get hard, I would rather run away than face my problems. That is happening now. I am in a not so ideal situation and I want to run. I want to escape and use the hope that things will be better as my ammo. I know that I need to stay here in CO and face my issues. I need to find out who I am and step up to the task at hand.