NOT me.

Life is a circle, I understand that part. I don't agree and like this circle, but it happens.

Example: When I was my sister's age I was in her same spot. Desperate to be loved, clinging to every guy that paid attention and doing whatever crazy idea they had (though mine didn't involve moving to Africa, just back to Kennewick). I can't voice my opinion outloud about this to her, because I'm supposed to be supportive and loving and not scared at all for her future.

This has been hard though. I KNOW this isn't the man my sister is supposed to marry, but that's what she is saying is going to happen- in Africa! I can't play the "you can't know right away who you are supposed to marry" because that happened with me and my husband. I KNEW the day I met him I wanted to be with him. Life has been up and down since then (mostly me up and down), but I have had that one support and I love it.

My dad was offered a job in CA working with the same company, but as a contractor. One of the first questions to my mom was, "When do you move.?" Well, she isn't moving! Just my dad will stay down there a few weeks out of the month and then travel back and forth. This is ideal for my mom. They have always had one of those together but not together marriages. I don't remember the last time they were ever affectionate with each other. I don't remember them saying "I love you" to each other. I recently learned from my dad that they only got married because it was convenient. Which explains a lot. I understand individuality in a marriage, but this is different. It's been bugging me and I had to say something about it.

This marriage is what my sister, the one going to Africa, wants. She wants the convenience of a husband but be able to be her own person. That doesn't work. I know that you don't have to be with your spouse 24/7, but you also can't be dependant on them. Does that make sense?

I like what I have. A balance. If I need a night just for me, I get it. This would have NEVER happened in my last marriage, but works for us. This Saturday I have errands to run and know that my husband doesn't want to go with me to the fabric store. So, I will send him off with some guy friends and I will go do my thing. My ex would have wanted to be next to me 24/7 for EVERYTHING. I wasn't able to be me and so I sank into depression and exploded and left.

I don't see this happening with my sister.*sigh*

Joys of being the big sister....